DOOFUS WITH A DEADLY WEAPON

I mentioned previously that Doofus has two children, Huey and Dewey. Apparently the younger of the two, Dewey, spent part of the summer at a camp learning how to shoot and maintain firearms. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, “Who would put a firearm into the hands of a doofus?” Well as far as I know, all of Dewey’s fellow campers went home alive... as far as I know.

But now deer hunting season is about to begin and I overheard Doofus asking a couple of my deer hunting coworkers the specifics of taking a minor hunting. Doofus doesn’t hunt, but after Dewey spent the summer shooting at stationary, paper targets in a controlled setting, Dewey now wants to partake in the annual ritual of shooting at moving animals where bullets can stray off target. It seems that in an attempt to avoid any potential mishaps, Doofus was trying to gather information about what kind of gun Dewey should use and what kind of permits and classes Dewey is required to have.

Like I’ve said before, most of my coworkers are well aware that Doofus is a dimwit, a dork and just plain dumb. I however at this moment was giving Doofus some credit and thinking, “Thank goodness Doofus has the sense to ask these questions before heading out into the woods with a child and a loaded weapon.” However, Coworker Joe, who is not shy about expressing blatant disdain for Doofus, happened to be involved in the hunting discussion and thought differently than I did about Doofus’ firearm questions. This is the e-mail Coworker Joe sent to a select few individuals about his true feelings of Doofus in the woods with a gun.

“[Doofus] just told us that [Dewey] is going to start hunting this year and from the way [Doofus] was talking I don’t think they can figure out what end of the gun the bullet comes out so I am predicting a heavy upswing in accidental shootings come this hunting season. Due to this emergency news flash I will be converting my blind into a bomb shelter.”