Tuesday, October 14, 2008

DOOFUS WITH A DEADLY WEAPON

I mentioned previously that Doofus has two children, Huey and Dewey. Apparently the younger of the two, Dewey, spent part of the summer at a camp learning how to shoot and maintain firearms. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, “Who would put a firearm into the hands of a doofus?” Well as far as I know, all of Dewey’s fellow campers went home alive... as far as I know.

But now deer hunting season is about to begin and I overheard Doofus asking a couple of my deer hunting coworkers the specifics of taking a minor hunting. Doofus doesn’t hunt, but after Dewey spent the summer shooting at stationary, paper targets in a controlled setting, Dewey now wants to partake in the annual ritual of shooting at moving animals where bullets can stray off target. It seems that in an attempt to avoid any potential mishaps, Doofus was trying to gather information about what kind of gun Dewey should use and what kind of permits and classes Dewey is required to have.

Like I’ve said before, most of my coworkers are well aware that Doofus is a dimwit, a dork and just plain dumb. I however at this moment was giving Doofus some credit and thinking, “Thank goodness Doofus has the sense to ask these questions before heading out into the woods with a child and a loaded weapon.” However, Coworker Joe, who is not shy about expressing blatant disdain for Doofus, happened to be involved in the hunting discussion and thought differently than I did about Doofus’ firearm questions. This is the e-mail Coworker Joe sent to a select few individuals about his true feelings of Doofus in the woods with a gun.

“[Doofus] just told us that [Dewey] is going to start hunting this year and from the way [Doofus] was talking I don’t think they can figure out what end of the gun the bullet comes out so I am predicting a heavy upswing in accidental shootings come this hunting season. Due to this emergency news flash I will be converting my blind into a bomb shelter.”

Thursday, September 25, 2008

NOT FAR FROM THE DOOFUS TREE

Doofus has two children, Huey and Dewey. Huey is of driving age and will sometimes drive to school when there’s a working vehicle (story for another time). Apparently Huey also participates in a carpool… kind of. Meaning, when Huey drives to school, Huey gives a ride to a classmate who lives on the way.

During our drive into work today, Doofus shared that they got a call this morning from Huey’s classmate Sam asking if Huey was still there. Apparently Huey forgot to stop and pick Sam up on the way into school.

Doofus quote of the day: “I don’t know how [Huey] could forget to pick up Sam.”

I know how.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

BIRTH OF DOOFUS

When Pat, Doofus and I carpool, which is most every day of the work week, we have a routine where we pass by each other’s desks before going home to let the others know we’re either going to the car or heading to the front entrance to wait. This particular day had been Doofus’ day to drive. Doofus came by my desk and said, “I’m heading to the car.”

“Okay,” I said and proceeded to pack up my belongings. I walked by Pat’s desk to make sure Pat was aware Doofus and I were heading to the car to go home.

“Give me a minute, I’ll be right with you,” said Pat.

As I walked out the front door I stopped in befuddlement as I watched Doofus drive out of the company parking lot, onto the road and up to the stop sign to turn in the direction of home. I couldn’t figure out what was going on or where Doofus might be going without us. As I’m frozen with confusion, unable to wave or yell, Doofus suddenly puts the car in reverse and backs the car up the road and back into the parking lot.

“I was in such a hurry I forgot you guys rode with me today.”

What?! Forgot?! It had been less than 5 minutes earlier that Doofus had walked by my desk to tell me, “I’m heading to the car.”

I consider this the day that co-worker (name omitted to protect the dumb) became Doofus.

CAUSE TO BLOG

I’ve decided to start a blog. I’m not a reader of blogs (more than likely that will soon change) and I don’t really consider myself internet savvy enough to just “start blogging.” But here I am with a blog; and it’s really for selfish reasons that I’m now doing this. I carpool. I carpool to work with two other individuals to do my part for the environment and to ultimately save money in gas and the wear and tear on my car. Maybe just for the purposes of this blog (and to justify the daily pain I endure… as you’ll soon read about) I’ll start keeping track of how much money I’m actually saving by carpooling. One of the two individuals I carpool with is friendly, has a great sense of humor, and can make the daily commute of 20 minutes, two times a day quite enjoyable. We’ll call this fellow “prisoner” Pat. The other is… well… a doofus. We’ll call this individual… Doofus.

Our place of employment is small enough that most others who work there are fully aware of Doofus’ potential to be a dimwit, a dork and just downright dumb. Many have expressed the opinion “that the price of gas couldn’t go high enough” for them to carpool with Doofus or have expressed sympathy with “I don’t know how you do it.” So the selfishness I refer to with this blog is that I will no longer need to be e-mailing multiple friends with “guess what happened today” or find myself spending excessive amounts of time hanging around the water cooler telling co-workers of “today’s ride to work with Doofus”... and an added benefit is that you as a reader get your daily dose of doofus as well.