WHILE DOOFUS DOZES

I would guess that most carpoolers meet at some designated location that is neutral and convenient to all parties involved. When I first started carpooling with Pat and Doofus, we were meeting at a church parking lot that was centrally located for each of us. However that was before Doofus decided to buy a second home. Not that Doofus could afford a second home, it’s just that Doofus was unable to sell the first home. (Great doofus decision in this economy wouldn’t you say?) But since the Doofus family was now living in the second home and the church parking lot was no longer convenient, Pat and I reluctantly agreed to meet in Doofus’ driveway.

This as you can imagine works quite nicely for Doofus. Roll out of bed, get ready for work, and walk out to the car as soon as Pat and I arrive. Of course, as it would be when one is carpooling with Doofus, it doesn’t work that nicely for Pat and me. We’ll arrive, get into either of our cars if we’re the ones driving that day, and then wait. And wait. And we end up waiting for Doofus in Doofus’ driveway. When we met at the church we had a 15 minute grace period. If 15 minutes went by and you weren’t there, the others were allowed to leave for work and you were on your own. When we started meeting at Doofus’ house, we had to change the rule to 10 minutes. Doofus was taking advantage of the 15 minute grace period and so we’d wait… and wait… and wait in Doofus’ driveway.

Pat and I will joke, as we wait for Doofus to come out of the house, “We should go! Let’s go and leave Doofus!”

We never have… until recently. Not long ago as we sat in Pat’s car waiting for Doofus, the 10 minutes were ticking away but oddly there was no sign of Doofus. No lights on in the house. The garage door was down. No dog running in the yard or barking from within the house. We sat in the car debating the nice thing to do... Should we honk? Should we call the house phone from our cell? And the thing we really wanted to do… leave before Doofus knew we were there.

I didn’t say anything to Pat but I wondered, “What if the whole family is dead from carbon monoxide poisoning?”

“Can’t do anything about it now,” I reasoned.

Finally ten minutes had passed and Pat said, “Raise your hand if we just leave.”

Both of our hands went flying up in the air and we tore out of the driveway before Doofus could jump in the backseat.

Two hours later Doofus came wandering into work. Doofus had overslept and I was relieved of any guilt for not having rescued the Doofus family from eminent death. Because of course, what would I do without my daily doses of Doofus to blog about?